New year, New me

Yeah, I know January is over and so are our resolutions. Nothing really changed, it’s the same us that we were on the midnight of December 31st. All that motivational bullshit about new year new me is gone within a month. But you know what, I think this is the perfect time to write this blog post now that the trial month is over.

So what were your resolutions? Did you have a list of things you wish you can change about yourself? Yeah me too. I don’t want to sound preachy, but that’s exactly why we fail. We try to change every aspect of ourselves all at once. We are not going to turn into some hypothetical ideal version of ourselves simply because Earth completed its single revolution while we were doing the same shit that we do every other day.

Ever heard of this quote:

If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting. You want change, make some.

Courtney C. Stevens, The Lies About Truth

I know that was extemely preachy. So how to make a change you ask me? As a person who repeatedly failed every years resolutions but finally accomplished one last year, and has read several self-help books and watched almost every video Matt D’Avella has made, I think I’m highly eligible to answer this question.

  • First things first, throw away your list of resolutions. It’s really not working and you know it.
  • Now, think about one thing, one single thing that you can change, one thing that you need to change about yourself which will help you immensely with your physical and mental well-being. You know exactly what that thing is deep down. Do not wait for circumstances to take over where you’re forced to make this change. It can be losing/gaining weight, quit smoking/drinking, quit that job you hate, or something as simple as learning a new skill. Take a day, a week or even a month to think about what your thing is. It’s a lot easier when you’re focusing on a single thing.
  • Now that you have realised what you want to change and it all seems daunting and overwhelming- start with research, Google the shit out of it, break it into mini steps, start with something small and then stick to it.
  • The key is not working towards an end goal but to make it as your lifestyle, to make it a habit and not to rely on motivation or willpower. (Atomic Habits, by James Clear is the holy grail about building good habits)
  • Of course you’re going to fail in between and thats okay. But don’t wait for next Monday, next month or next year to start all over again. It’s never too late to be the person you want to be.

So next year, when you look back you might not have changed everything on your list, but you would have had changed one huge thing, and I think that’s enough for you to start your new year with a brand new you. And then you can brag about it all over social media, around your friends and family or even write a blog post about it like I did, who knows!

And if you can take one thing from this, take this- I believe that there are three types of people, one who have accepted their fate and let themselves go thinking change is not in their hands. Others, who hate themselves so much that they want to change everything about themselves. And lastly, people who know they are enough and deserve the world, and wouldn’t settle for anything less than that, therefore, they put in the time and effort and make things happen for them. So which one are you?

You can read my last New Years blog here.

Yes girl

When I was young I said yes to whatever people asked from me. I had no idea that I had a choice to say no, I blame it mostly on my upbringing, shyness and my low self-esteem. I did so many things I did not want to do because, well, I’ve been a people pleaser, until someone explained to me I am no longer a child and I have the power to say no, take care of myself and even survive if someone doesn’t like me for my choices, etc, etc. and that absolutely blew my mind. And, since then (spoiler alert) I have been saying no to almost everything I can say no to.

A friend asking for a movie? No. Some money? No. A date? Oh god no. A weekend outing, a little trip? New friends? Any social event? Trying something new? No, no, no, just no. I’m going to be in my bed with my laptop, where I’m most comfortable and safe, doing absolutely nothing at all. This is what happens when you find that sweet-sweet spot in your comfort zone. I had no dreams, no goals, no future, apparently no life. I was slowly dying in my bed every weekend, and I was like, “Eh! there’s no hope for me. Something bad happened to me, so I’m going to give up on everything. I’m going to push everyone away and become a loner and talk to no one. This is my life now.” And sadly, it really was.

I think Netflix (my only true friend at that time), sensed this in some way and recommended a movie called “Yes Man”. It starred Jim Carrey (my childhood crush) so I was already sold. Twenty minutes into the movie and it felt like I was Jim Carrey- ignores everyone’s call, avoids conversations at work, flaking on friends, forgetting a close friends engagement, never leaving the house, single, lonely and anxious. OMG! did someone stalk me and wrote this script? What was going on! It was surreal. Okay, I am exaggerating, but it was very close to what I had become.

In the movie, Jim Carrey participates in a self-help program where he is forced to say yes to everything for a year, which he does dread initially, but once he gets hang of it, he does great things (no spoiler alerts here, watch the movie please). It changes his life, it changes him as a person, he hits new highs and lows, he learns so much about himself, he goes way out of his comfort zone and realizes it was not that hard. I know its just a movie and things like these probably won’t happen to me in real life, but who cares, at least I’ll be living my life to the fullest.

And since then I’ve said yes to things I would have never imagined. I didn’t wait for people to ask me so that I can yes, I started out small, like asking people out, talking to someone new, saying yes to the new dress I never thought I could pull off, taking myself on a date, saying yes to meet new people, new projects, yes to making more money, have a better physique, actually anything that’s going to make me uncomfortable but in the end I’ll be content that at least I tried.

You know, the truth is, it wasn’t that I had become very comfortable with my life, to the contrary, I was fucking terrified of change and failure. I’ve been afraid of almost everything, all my life and I was sick and tired of fear deciding what my life should look like. So I decided to say yes, yes to new experiences, memories, to the things I always wanted to do but never did, to things I’m really terrified of, things I love and enjoy, things I know I’ll regret if I missed them, I’ll be saying yes to all these things, but, on the other hand,  I don’t want to say yes to things just to please people, to cover up my insecurity, or anything that’s harmful to my mental and physical wellbeing, because what you say yes to is also important.

Do watch the movie if you haven’t already, it may change your life like it did for me.

DISCLAIMER: Do not say ‘yes’ to stupid things and blame it on me or the movie.

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Hello, 2019

2017 was a whirlwind of a year for me. I never did soar so high and I never did hit such a rock bottom in my entire life. So, the whole year was very black and white for me. And I came to a conclusion that, maybe, if I just “go with the flow”, and managed in between the gray areas I’d be completely fine. I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of hitting new lows, because I thought I couldn’t take it anymore.

And that’s exactly what I did the whole year of 2018, I played it safe, very very safe. I had no goals, no visions, no plans and basically, no life. All I did was get a job and sustained it. I didn’t put in anytime for my hobbies, I hardly took any pictures, or continued writing here on my blog, I haven’t painted since a year. The only trips I went on was to my hometown because my parents forced me. I hardly read a book or two or watched any great movies that I can think of. I was so afraid of falling, and to deal with the pain that I missed my highs too.

Today, when I looked back at 2018 and asked myself what challenges I overcame or what were my achievements? I had no answer. No doubt, I was so miserable at the end of that year. I was wishing my life away, I got so comfortable with who I have become and I had almost accepted that this is what I’m going to be for the rest of my life. I had let myself go and for what? Because change is scary? And what had happened to that girl who took risks and had built her life from nothing? Now am I supposed to tell her that this is you now, you should settle for the mediocre things because you don’t deserve the best because you’re fucking afraid of changing and growing?!

I can’t and won’t do that to her. She has worked really hard to bring me where I am now. I am not going to give up on her. This year I’ll take at least a step forward to make myself a better person, the person that I have been always dreaming I could become one day, even if that means failing or dealing with the pain of hitting new lows. And probably that should be my New year resolution.

Because you know what, in the end, we all do owe it to ourselves to become the best versions of ourselves.

Happy New Year 🙂

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