My experience with a copy cat.

A few years back I met this certain guy and eventually, we became friends. We started hanging out and became best of friends in no time. It was a feeling I never knew existed as you know I am completely unable to sustain any kind of relationship with men in my life. Being friends with a guy felt like a huge accomplishment to me.

My new best friend always seemed a bit confused and lost in his life. He didn’t know what he liked, what he didn’t like, what he wanted to do with his life, what are his hobbies, what his career path should be, and something, as basic as what kind of music he prefers. With time, I started to relate to him as I was in his place at some point. I started dreaming this perfect picture where I will save him, fix him, I will be his hero and he will worship me forever and ever. *Spoiler alert* nothing of this sort happened, obviously, this is real life and not some hopeless romantic comedy.

It all started with helping him with picking out his outfits. And in no time he was dressing up like me, talking similar to me, he started drawing and painting, learning programming and photography. He also started his own Instagram photography account, with little excerpts as captions just like me. At first, I was enjoying all the attention and it felt as if we are twinning but little did I know that he, in fact, was cloning.

Every little thing I did he’d copy me and make it his own thing. It went as far as plagiarising my work. I had begun to feel like I was being robbed of my creativity, uniqueness, my personality, and my identity. I had put in almost half a decade to be who I am and where I am right now, and he took it all from me in only a few months.

As he was dealing with his own identity crisis I had started to feel like an impostor in my own life. I cut my hair short and stopped straightening my hair. I gave up drawing and taking pictures. I gained weight, lost my confidence at work; I had no idea what I was doing. This was not me. I have never been that kind of a person who doesn’t know what to do. It came to the point where I couldn’t take a glance at myself in the mirror.

It took me several months to come to a conclusion that if I want to save myself I need to cut him off completely. Anyway, I am glad we are not friends anymore. Now, whenever I see anyone twinning with me, I run the hell away from them. I wouldn’t risk my identity for anything or anyone. So shouldn’t you!.

 


Confessions of an introvert

  1. Once a guy rejected me because I’m an introvert as if there’s something really wrong with me.
  2. Sometimes I wait in the bathroom until all our guests are gone.
  3. I switch on to airplane mode on my phone so that I can read all the texts without letting people know I have read their texts. That way its okay if I reply them after a week.
  4. I go to movies alone and then never discuss those movies with my friends and family, so they’ll never ask me questions like when, where and with whom I did watch that movie.
  5. The best way to get your crush to hate you is to be rude to them and pretend like they don’t exist. That’s exactly what I do.
  6. Tall guys intimidate me so I try not to stand beside them. I run away whenever I see a tall guy around.
  7. I keep checking my profiles on social media and try making them as perfect as possible so that I can be cool, at least on the internet.
  8. Currently, I have only 1 friend to whom I talk every day. It’s intensely tiring for me to make new friends and then maintain those friendships.
  9. It’s not that I’m bad at communication or I am unable to carry a conversation. I prefer to stay quiet and observe everyone instead.
  10. Please don’t feel sorry for me when I’m eating alone. I really don’t like sharing my food, especially chips.
  11. I hate it whenever I find an acquaintance on my commute because it means more talking and less music.
  12. I once pretended to be an extrovert for a whole day and I loved it. But it was exhausting AF and then I realized why I am an introvert.

 

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#metoo

   #metoo. There, I said it on social media. Nothing about my life changed, it still sucks by the way. I don’t know why, but I thought things will change for me. People will give me a bit more respect, my voice will be heard, the men who did this to us will be punished, and guys on the street won’t look at me the way they do. Guess what? Not a damn thing changed in my life. People still think I’m stupid because I’m a woman, nobody considers my opinion, those guys who did this to us still live their life like it was all nothing, and the guys on street still look at me the way they always had.
   The only thing that’s going to change in my life is- people will comment on my post that how brave I am for sharing this, they will sympathize with me and after a day or two they’ll forget about it. But I won’t. This forever is going to be a part of me, that’s how every girl in this world comes of age.
   I wrote a whole blog post about my experience like every other woman has been on social media and I deleted it. I, truly, understand how hard it is to open up about our worst experiences of our lives on social media, but, on the other hand, what we are doing here is making sexual assault such a norm that people, everywhere, have started taking it very lightly. And I believe, that’s the worst part of it all.
   So, ladies and men, just don’t say #metoo. Probably, the next time you see a fellow human being, assaulted or in pain, listen, try to help, and do not blame them. And I think that’s what the campaign should be about- #metoo helped a person who was assaulted. Maybe this campaign will make a difference it is intended to.
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I’m bad at love.

 

   Let me tell you one thing about myself- I am smart, like really-really smart. I can hold up a good, intellectual conversation, I can teach you or your kids mathematics, science, or programming. I read the news, I’m up-to-date with pop culture gossips and entertainment, I keep track of tech industry. I’m like a pro when it comes to Research and Development.
   But.. when it comes to love, I’m the dumbest dumb person you’ve ever met. Stupidest people won’t make the choices that I make, and then after few months, I’m in such a deep shit that I have no idea how can I get hold of my life back. It’s like I know I hate roller coasters, but they seem so fascinating and other people look so happy in it from far away, that I have to try them thinking, this time I won’t mess up. And, I know very well it’s only gonna hurt me and scar me for life. But, I’ll still go and ride them anyway (no pun intended).
    If that example was too much for you let me elaborate on another one:
Friend: Hey, there’s this guy in my office, he is really nice and sweet, has a job and seems like a mature, responsible person. Would you like to go out with him?
Me: What!? What I’m supposed to do with that guy? He seems perfect! What I’m supposed to fix in him? I can’t date a guy unless he is a rude, immature narcissist, compulsive liar. C’mon girl you know my type!
   They say I deserve better, but the truth is I don’t know what exactly is better. This is the only love I’ve ever known. So, I keep going back to the same kind of love I think I know, and I think I deserve.
   I am doomed, people! I am doomed, for life. *Sigh*
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My experience with friendship

 I was just lying in bed, imagining stuff which probably will never happen, when suddenly a random memory crossed my mind.
   I was in 10th standard and we had to attend a school camp. Ugh! So the biggest struggle at that time I had to deal with was to get a girl sitting next to me on the bus. It was a struggle because I didn’t have many friends back then as I was new in that school and also I couldn’t attend half of the year due to my leg surgery. And the few friends that I had, had decided to sit next to their best friends(I wasn’t anybody’s best friend). I asked every girl I knew to sit next to me, sadly, every one of them said no. Some girls really wanted to but they cared more about their “significant other bff’s”, they didn’t want to hurt them. Every damn girl on that bus was feeling sorry for me. I don’t need to tell you how angry, sad, humiliated, etc. I was.
   Fortunately, unlike my every other memory this has a happy ending. I was almost on the verge of crying when suddenly one of our teachers noticed me and called me to sit next to her and from there the trip just got better.
   I always had this type of friends, for them, their other friends came first and me at the end. No, I am not exaggerating or, nor do I am saying this to gain some sympathy. It’s something I have experienced, as they say, “actions speak louder than words”. It used to trouble me a lot before, especially when I was a lonely, little teenager. I won’t lie, occasionally, it still bothers me. But then life goes on, you meet other people, experience the good,  bad, and ugly; become more fierce and strong. You learn to be your own best friend and learn to not to rely on anyone but yourself. And you just know it, you’re gonna be alright, no matter who comes or goes.
   Oh! And let me add that I still remember each and every girl on that bus who rejected me. Guess what women? I’m so cool now that I have my own blog and maybe nobody reads it, anyway, I’m cool now, at least on the internet. Ha! Suck on that losers. Just kidding you know, or maybe not.

 

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Hello world

Hello, world!

So, I’m here because lots of people on Instagram loved the little excerpts that I wrote and also encouraged me to start a blog. I am really thankful for those people, because of them I am writing my first blog post.

My blog would mostly consist of my average everyday experiences, my basic love life and my mediocre expertise related to things that nobody cares about. I might also write about the mental health issue, because, let’s face it, everybody is crazy these days.

Let’s start with a brief introduction about me- for a living, I work as a Front-end Developer. As being a programmer with little or no life at all, I spend a great amount of time on the internet, consuming pop culture and memes, living on Tv series and movies, dreaming about traveling the world, just like every other IT guy/gal does. I also have several hobbies like reading, writing, painting, etc.

Now, if you think that I am just another nerdy, introverted, girl next door who likes reading, and writing and has opinions about every damn thing, then you are absolutely right. That’s exactly what I am.

If you’re still reading this and you do find me interesting.. you do? Well, then I might write one more blog post soon.

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