How to be a bad guy

Disclaimer: This blog is specifically for people like me who are inherently nice, they need this the most.

Has anyone told you you’re a nice person? Do you care a little too much about everything? Do you put everyone else first but nobody puts you first? Do you apologize, a lot, even when its not your fault? Do you pretend to agree with everyone? Do you take extreme measures to avoid conflicts? Do you think you’re responsible for how people feel? Did you ever feel that if you were an asshole things would’ve been a lot easier for you? If you said yes multiple times then I have news for you (which I received recently ), you’re a chronic people-pleaser.

I was kind of shocked when I realized that now even being nice is a problem!? Well yeah, when you’re suffering from a painful migraine but you can’t tell your friend that you’d like to go home and take your medication rather than go to a restaurant, and force yourself to eat with the headache, when you tell your Uber driver to drop you few miles away from your home so that it won’t be inconvenient for him, but inconvenience for you is no big deal, when you’re suffering from food poisoning but you don’t say no to work from home, even though your teammates could do the same work, when someone lies to you and you just smile and change the topic because it would put that person in an awkward position, when you put on a little less makeup so that your female colleagues won’t feel they haven’t been putting in any effort, (okay I know your list may be different than me) but you know when you do such things just because you’re supposed to be nice, that’s a huge problem, not for others but for you.

I have done this all my life, I’d do these grand gestures for everyone, I’ll go out of my way for people I don’t even care that much and completely abandon my own physical/emotional/mental well being and when the time would come they’d usually put everything else before me. And I’d be devastated, I’d feel like a victim, because I was perfect, I’d been so nice, I’ve done everything by the book and yet I’ve been rejected. So like everyone else I’ll go to social media and post some emotional bullshit about how bad the world is for kind and nice people. I hope I’m not the only one here who has done this, that would be really awkward and embarrassing.

Also, I realized how many years I’ve wasted pleasing people, thinking about them, making them feel comfortable, walking on eggshells with their likes and dislikes, that I’ve completely lost my self in this process, seeking validation and approval from almost everyone to make myself feel good enough. I never once thought what if nobody cared about me what my life would like then? And it dawned on me does anyone really even care about me? I mean yes my family and handful of friends do, but they’d support me no matter what, others mostly won’t, they are too busy thinking and caring about their own selves. They might think about me for a second, make an opinion (which can be wrong) and then completely forget about me. And all I’m doing here is trying to make people think good about me for one second, trying to change one fragment of their thought? Is that even worth it, making sacrifices for no apparent reason, and innumerable times a day! And then one day you wake up and realize you’ve wasted your life away doing things you didn’t like, and now nobody really cares for all the things you’ve done for them because it was supposed to be your duty?! Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather care about myself more from now on than to wake up with a midlife crisis in few years and stuck in shitty situations.

Okay, if that wasn’t convincing enough, how about this- Have you once in your life seen a bad-ass personality on screen and wished it was you? I have, almost everyday! And it’s never with good guys. Well, we do love our heroes, on the other hand we love anti-heroes a little more. And I think you already know why, they don’t give a fuck what people think of them. They don’t do stuff because it will get them compliments in life, they do things because they want to, because they like it, and they’re really good at it. I’m not telling you turn into an anti-hero (which, by the way, would be so cool) but may be try this out- think of your alter ego, your ideal self, what he/she would do in a tricky situation? I’m most certain they will not care so much.

So next time try this- you’re at some bill counter and there’s a large queue behind you, take some more time than usual, do your thing, let people get pissed a little. I know, even thinking about this gives me crippling anxiety and that’s why it needs to be changed. The thing is as psychopaths need tiny bit of empathy to keep them grounded, we need a little apathy from people around us so we can depend on ourselves for the validation that we seek.

Movies about Cancer.

I wanted to make a list of movies based on cancer for a very long time, but I never made it. I always thought why would someone in their right mind would want to see them! Not everyone is a masochist like me, not everyone enjoys crying while watching a movie and I think hardly anybody would want their heart get broken into million pieces merely by a movie.

These movies, about cancer, are not just sad or depressing they are so much more than that. They give you this hope in some weird little way, it makes you feel grateful for the life you have and had, the family and friends we have, who we always take for granted, the love you have experienced, no matter for how long. It makes you realize that you don’t have to wait for something fatal to happen to you to start living your life on your own terms, you don’t have to wait for death so you could stop and make your own bucket list and start striking through the items which you always wanted to do. There are some great life lessons in these movies and I believe you should watch them at least once.

The Fault in Our Stars

Very obvious I know. If you haven’t watched this movie yet then watch it right now. Also, this was the first movie I had seen about cancer, so you know how it would ended for me. I still remember how this book and movie took the whole internet by storm and all for right reasons. People still cant get enough of the quotes from this movie. I don’t know how something so heart-wrenching can be so beautiful.

Five Feet Apart

Okay, I cheated a bit. This movie isn’t about cancer but its pretty close. If being a teenager and falling in love isn’t terrifying enough, they have to deal with a fatal disease and the only way they could survive is if they are five feet apart?! Ugh! take all my money! This movie makes a really good point which I loved- sometimes you have to sacrifice a lot just to keep yourself alive.

This movie is available on Netflix.

My Sister’s Keeper

Okay enough of the romantic stuff. This movie hits you right into the gut. It is about a young girl who is forced by her parents to donate blood, organs, tissue to her sister suffering from cancer. It accurately depicts how cancer affects not one person but the whole family, it shows all the dark and gruesome side effects of cancer which we rarely see on screen. Even though this movie made me cry the most, the ending gave me an unexpected sense of calm.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

Don’t you hate it when your mom wants you to be-friend with someone, especially when they have leukemia?! A movie purely based on friendship between a girl and a guy and neither of them are gay! You know how rare and special this is! It is one of the most amazing and sadly, most underrated movie I have ever seen. If there is one movie I could make everyone watch it has to be this one. DO. NOT. MISS. IT.

50/50

If you thought a movie about cancer cant make you laugh or make you feel good, you need to watch this ASAP. Adam doesn’t drive because accidents are number one cause of death, he also doesn’t smoke or drink. He is a good guy. Everything is turned upside down when he is diagnosed with a rare cancer and the survival rate is 50/50. No, he doesn’t make a bucket list, neither he rebels and becomes a drug kingpin. As he goes on with his ordinary life the way it unfolds, he learns the value of love, family and friendships.

This movie is available on Netflix.

Death and loss are inevitable, but these movies somehow make it a little better and get us ready for the uncertainties of our lives. I hope these movies gives you the closure you seek to live your healthy life to the fullest.