My anxiety sets in when December arrives. My mind starts running wild, it’s hardly a week for my birthday. Do I buy myself a new outfit? Should I plan my own birthday party? What if everybody cancels at the last minute and I am all alone. I don’t want to deal with that sort of rejection on my birthday. Birthday? Why is this day supposed to be so important? Okay I understand I was born on this day and I got to witness the miracle of life, blah, blah, blah, but shouldn’t it be more special for my parents as well? Wow! How inconsiderate I can be sometimes. Why do I keep thinking things like that? I should be more rational, that’s what my therapist told me. So if I put it in a rational statement it would be something like this… I don’t know what it should be… God! I hate this day because:
1. Extroverts, social media, pop culture has set the standard too high for birthdays. Phone blowing up at midnight, 100s of people wishing you and buying you gifts, surprise birthday parties, club nights and what not. It’s all too much for an introvert like me.
2. My expectations reach the sky on that day. It’s like- Oh! you got me a gift! What is it? It’s a new smartphone? iPhone? Gold biscuit? Did you just say Cadbury Dairy milk silk? Are you kidding me!
3. I know my closed ones very well and I always end up figuring out their surprises and they are not really surprising for me but I have to act surprised because I don’t want them to feel bad. Did you get it?
4. I don’t have much friends/squad to go partying out.
5. What is this immense pressure of enjoying each and every minute of my birthday! Oh my god! Damn you social media!
6. It’s a lot of attention for a person like me who wants to chill in a corner, being all invisible and mind her own business.
7. I have no idea how to act. It’s all very awkward for me. Something of this sort- If I missed a call should I call her back or let her call me back? This person forgot my birthday, obviously, he doesn’t care about me! Duh!
8. Gifts! I love gifts! Only the ones I buy myself. Lol.
9. One more year has gone. I’m closer to my death and now there are younger guys I can’t go out with!
10. My shitty biological clock is ticking off! The number of questions and concerns from society about me getting married and having kids just doubled up! A very congratulations to me!
Hopefully, some birthday, either I will grow out of this feeling or maybe this list will!